Project Script

SHAKESPEARE SHORE

Freud: Welcome everyone to the special edition of Shakespeare Shore. Did I say that right? Or did I say “SEX-speare” shore?? As you all know I am from Austria so please excuse my French. Joining us for our season finale reunion are Hamlet-The Playboy, Oedipus-The Milfer, Gertrude-The Idle mother, Jocasta-The Opportunity Seeker, Oephilia-The .. . . .

Freud: Let’s start of the night by bringing up Hamlet (Applause). How are you? How do u feel being a theatre student in21st Century?

Hamlet: Damn! This is harder than I thought. I dunno how am I gonna pass this Theatre class. I am sooooooo behind on those blogs. I still can’t get the hang of this TECHNOLOGY thing. But, I’ll catch up hopefully.

Freud: So tell us Hamlet, why exactly did u wander off from Ophelia?

Hamlet: Well, honestly she wasn’t that good. No offense. As you know I went to England, and the English girls are very artistic.

Freud: Speaking of artistic women, how did u feel when you found out about yer mother’s marriage to yer dear Uncle Claudius? What is it like having to call yer Uncle - - Daddy.

Hamlet: I don think Im into that kinda art. I wonder why mom chose a loser like him. She downgraded from a hero to a zero.

Freud: Why u think your uncle was a loser? I felt he was a (uh-uh) gentlemen.

Hamlet: Oh yeah, u really think so dude. Well he did what a loser does. He was a good-for-nothing. He knew he knew he couldn’t get to the top so he had to take my father out.

Freud: What makes you believe that he whacked your father?

Hamlet: My good pal Shakespeare says so and I have some classified proof which the FBI gave me.

Freud:
Freud: Okay, good enough. Well, that’s all the time we have folks, we’re going to go on a quick commercial break, but stick around.. next person up to give us her side of this frayed love story is Ophelia.

(pause) jerry springer or maury

Freud: Welcome back ladies and gents to our special edition Shakespeare Shore reunion show! Now joining us to give us the insider scoop on the break-up of the 16th Century is Ophelia! (Applause)

Freud: How you feeling? How have u been doing since the end of the Shakespeare Shore? Is it true that what tabloids said that your break-up with lover boy over there ruined yer life?

OPH: Hell no, I hate these Media mongerers. They just make up a whole bunch of stories to get people’s money. All those damn people need to get a life. I’ve been doing pretty decent since my break-up. As a matter of fact, I’m going out on a date with Michael Jackson tomorrow night. People say he likes thrillers.

Freud: Ahem Ahem what a change from Hamlet to MJ!! What do you feel about yer relationship with Hamlet before yer break-up?

OPH: It was a typical ivy-league fling. I thought he s a real prince but I found out he aint that good. So, I started search for alternatives. And let me tell you, I’ve got options.

Freud: So how are you coping with the fact that you’re NOT a virgin anymore? Musta been pretty rough…right?

OPH: At first I was so depressed, I didn’t take shower for two weeks. But now after watching a whole season of Sex and the City, I’m proud and the rest of these village girls better step up.

Freud: Okayz Ophelia so what will be your message to all the teenage girls of 21st Century?

OPH: Hmmm, now that’s a tough one. I think I would have to say don’t let any man hold you down! Just because he’s got an Ivy-league education and some good looks doesn’t mean shit! Use you’re time to have fun and take care of yourself.

Freud: Alright all the girls out there, hope you heard what Ophelia said. And remember, if you like it you better put a ring on it.
Thanks a lot Ophelia for giving us yer precious time.

Freud: Next up we gonna bring the Alpha-Male of Ancient Greece- Oedipus.
Oedipus, welcome to the show. How you feeling? How did the lasik eye surgery go? You got those nice blue German eyes.

Oedipus: Haha very funny. It was a great success. I can see so good, that I can see through people, you know what I mean!!!!

Freud: Some people consider you as a demi-god. And to others you are hypocrite. So what is yer take on that?

Oedipus: Alright to straight things up, to everyone who thinks Im a hypocrite, cant they cut a guy some slack. I was just a victim of bad luck. Which I can see everyone is going through in this recession.

Freud: As we all know that indirectly you were the ultimate sinner for the city of Thebes. You brought trouble just by yer sheer bad luck. Even the blind prophet could see the obvious. So, why were you blind to all these things?

Oedipus: My intentions were only for the goodwill of the people. I never harmed a single Thebes citizen. So, you cant brand me as an egoistic power hungry jerk this time. I did what was right and for the good of Thebes.

Freud: So you trying to say you were blinded for the goodwill of Thebes? U sure! Or were you blinded by love?

Oedipus: I am warning you don’t wanna gonna down that path. You don’t know what you getting yourself into.

Freud: What was the better outcome of killing yer father? Becoming the king of Thebes or . . . .. .

Oedipus [Mad]: Wait right there, don even dare say anything about my mother.

Freud: Ooooo touchy subject. U mad for your wife or your mother?

(OEDIPUS ATTACKS FREUD)

Announcer from the back: Somebody call 911. Also, we need another host as our current host isn’t in the shape of continuing. Anybody interested? We guarantee that such an incidence wont happen again.

Okay we have someone to host this show. Wait, just for a sec, is that Hamlet?

Hamlet: Yo yo yo I feel so good to be the host. Now, I can fire the bullets. Bring it on who’s left.

Jocasta: How could you forget about me Hamlet. Oh! I see Ophelia is still amongst the audience. Don’t worry she aint gonna know about us.

Hamlet: Chill hun Chill. Don’t raise the temperature. The Onion News just gave you the title of being the Cougar of the millennium. How does that make you feel?

Jocasta: Are you serious???? I am on top of the world after getting this award. Well you know I gave my best so I deserved it.

Hamlet: So, you don’t regret what you did?

Jocasta: Well, at the time NO. Now, looking at it I think it was one of my biggest mistakes.

Hamlet: Yeah its look down upon in most of the world, incest is not cute.

Jocasta: Oh Hamlet, you blaming me for something that I didn’t know.

Hamlet: You know they always say the bond between mother and son is unbreakable. So, never during the years you felt that the person next to you was your son?

Jocasta: Do you know how long its been? I never felt that he was my son. Had I, I would’ve never done what I did.

Hamlet: So honestly you enjoyed the years or no? I mean you had some fun?

Oedipus: Dude I am still here. Better be careful.

Hamlet: Ooops sorry sorry seems like we have to end the show now. I don’t want to walk to the same hospital that Freud walked to.

So, it was great having you all here. Hope you all enjoyed. Drive home safely. If you got any booze leave it for me. Don’t drink and drive.