Hamlet Skin-3

The tank in video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uw-F5KU72Dc

Exhausted.

So, today I'm trying to hold it together as best as I can but when I'm running on 4 hours of sleep from Saturday night and 5 hours from last night, I'm fading and FAST. It seems no matter how much coffee I drink, it doesn't help..AAAAANNNDDDD I have an 11 hour day today. Guh. So here's how my weekend went. Friday, after a long week, Michael and I decided to just stay in, literally we were in bed, tucked in, lights out at 10:30. Eventful Friday I know. Then Saturday we ran errands all day, and I worked all night. It was so crazy busy, I worked from 4 until about 12. When I got home I was so past the point of being tired that I ended up staying awake until about 2:30am. The next day, Michael and I had to help his dad with a fundraiser that he had organized. The fundraiser was really great actually, I was just exhausted. It was a fundraiser for St. Jude's Children's Hospital, and the actual fundraiser was a classic car show! I basically took all the donations and the votes for everyone's favorite car. We ended up raising just shy of $3,000! Pretty awesome for a little fundraiser. After the fundraiser, I went straight back to work from 4 until about 10:30. When I got home, again I couldn't sleep so I stayed up and ate some ziti until about 12:30. Now I'm at school, I have been since 8:30 and I won't be home until 7:30 tonight! UGHHHH!!! I am just so tired, I wish the world would allow me to sleep for a week straight. Thank GOD that Thanksgiving break is coming up, we could all definitely use it.

RANT.

First, can I just ask WHAT HAPPENED TO FALL?! It snowed this morning! YUCK! On top of being freezing and wearing my Uggs today and ruining them in the nasty weather, I forgot my umbrella. My shoulder feels like something is out of place, I can't eve lift it above my head.

Mini-Vids.

I've started to take all these mini videos, I really think it will be awesome to put them all together. Our show is gonna be pretty sick. My personal favorite is the fourth one, I think my shadow looks like stilts.

Men.

I am onto you, before you even open your mouth to speak, I can already read your mind. I saw your jaw drop when I walked in, you watched me as I waited on line, and now that I sat across from you because I had no choice, I know you keep looking over your shoulder at me. You keep talking to your friends about me, the girl sitting next to you wants you so badly, but you're blind. She's probably lovely, and sadly, you'll never know.

So I put my headphones in, hoping to get you to stop staring at me. While you're feeling fireworks, I'm feeling goosebumps and wondering if I should notify security that you're about to go crazy. I'm sorry little fella, but I already have a man. I could always use more friends, but frankly you just make me uncomfortable. We will never be romantic although I do take the staring as a compliment.

Close those baby blues before they pop out of your head and go on your merry way. Scamper off and find a new girl to stare at.

Isn't she just the sweetest little nugget?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFelLlvCYHo&feature=channel

You all need to watch this. This guy is absolutely hysterical and we need to get him on SNL or Madtv or something!!

Ugh.

Today is one of those days. One where you don't want to get out of bed, you're beginning to feel sick, your hair is all tangled and looks horrible, you're bloated and none of your pants will fit so you're forced to wear the jeans you always wear, every shirt looks stupid... I'm just going to be self conscious all day. UGH!

I wish I could be one of those girls that wears sweatpants to school, but I just can't bring myself to do that. On one hand, I envy them for being so comfortable with themselves that they don't feel the need to dress up every day. On the other hand, I feel like it's sort of tacky and it makes me wonder why they couldn't just at least throw on leggings and a little mascara... I have always made it a point to look somewhat nice, because you never know who you might run into. Even if I'm going extremely casual (like today) I'll dress it up with some nice jewelry and wearing good make up.

Anyways, excuse my appearance today. I'm having a bad hair day and a fat day.. OH and I can't stop sneezing. Should be a fun mid-term!

Reality Shows.

Okay first things first, let's all just admit the truth.. we love them. Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of whatever, Biggest Loser, Bad Girls Club, etc. For some reason or another, they're entertaining. But why does our generation treat these people like celebrities?!

They're not actors, they're famous for stupid shit like being rich, being plastic, having a sex tape, for punching someone in the head.. Why do we care?! Why do we want to see a picture of Snooki going to the supermarket? I don't care who she's dating or if she's gotten her heart broken. I don't think she should be getting paid $10,000 an episode or whatever ridiculous salary she thinks she's worth. YOU'RE NOT AN ACTOR.

Remember the good old days of Real World or Road Rules? Those guys wouldn't get paid and they had all the same things, sex, money, lies, fights, EVERYTHING. Even when they came back for those challenges, they didn't get paid big money. They all came back and talk about where they work, who they're getting married to, who they just broke up with, and how badly they all need the money. Those people are "real" like the rest of us. They don't get their hair done right before camera time like some of the shows I listed above, or write minor scripts. THAT'S real.

Reality Shows.

Okay first things first, let's all just admit the truth.. we love them. Jersey Shore, Real Housewives of whatever, Biggest Loser, Bad Girls Club, etc. For some reason or another, they're entertaining. But why does our generation treat these people like celebrities?!

They're not actors, they're famous for stupid shit like being rich, being plastic, having a sex tape, for punching someone in the head.. Why do we care?! Why do we want to see a picture of Snooki going to the supermarket? I don't care who she's dating or if she's gotten her heart broken. I don't think she should be getting paid $10,000 an episode or whatever ridiculous salary she thinks she's worth. YOU'RE NOT AN ACTOR.

Remember the good old days of Real World or Road Rules? Those guys wouldn't get paid and they had all the same things, sex, money, lies, fights, EVERYTHING. Even when they came back for those challenges, they didn't get paid big money. They all came back and talk about where they work, who they're getting married to, who they just broke up with, and how badly they all need the money. Those people are "real" like the rest of us. They don't get their hair done right before camera time like some of the shows I listed above, or write minor scripts. THAT'S real.

Decorations.

In March, I moved out of my parents house and into an apartment with my boyfriend Michael and it is the most AMAZING home for my "first place". It is a part of a house called The Brook Store. It was built in 1792 and was originally a book store and a general goods store. Now it is split into two apartments and a small store. Above us live a young couple that we're friends with who got married last year. In the store we have two women who make soap! We live on the bottom floor, the living room is the most amazing room in the whole house. We have all original wooden floor to ceiling shelving with a sliding ladder. We have hooks all over the ceiling, and outlets in the floors, ceilings, and walls. At point, it was also a seamstress' shop, with tons of sewing machines they needed to plug into the ceiling so there weren't that many wires on the floor.

When we first got the place, I saw those hooks, beautiful shelves, big windows, and outlets and immediately thought holidays. I could decorate for Halloween, Christmas, New Years, whatever I wanted! Halloween was the first big holiday, I got tons of hanging decorations, things that stick on the walls, purple lights! I had so much fun decorating. Can't wait for Christmas!!

The Start of My Museum.

So here's what I have so far. I chose to make almost everything about the building translucent because I think we all take the outdoors for granted. Not only do I want you to appreciate the beauty of these photographs but also of your surroundings. If this were a real museum, I would hope that everyone would leave feeling a sense of ease and warmth.

Glee.

Okay, I know what you're thinking.. "Here we go, another stupid girl talking about Glee." Well I used to think that too, I didn't understand how the show was any good. Then I actually sat down and watched an episode. Yes, they get a little campy and it's obvious that they're lip-synching, but it's not just about these kids singing. The story lines get so deep, like the teacher Mr. Schuester's private life. He's a Spanish teacher at his old high school and wants to get the glee club back together. While trying to get kids to join without feeling like losers, his wife (his high school sweetheart) and him are trying to have a baby. She thinks she's pregnant because she gains ten pounds (yes, she's an idiot but a really funny character) then once she finds out that she isn't she keeps on lying to Mr. Schuester because she knows that's the only way he'll stay with her.

Mr. Schuester develops romantic feelings toward the guidance counselor. Mrs. Schuester tries to pay the pregnant head cheerleader for her baby and planned on passing the baby off as her own. Crazy story line I know! I bet you didn't think Glee got that dramatic. All the while, we have Sue Sylvester, Jane Lynch's character, a neurotic crazy cheerleading coach, trying to bring down the glee club. Jane Lynch in this show is absolutely hysterical, in one episode she portrays Madonna! I absolutely love this show because it really supports individuality for young adults. They want you to be brave to be yourself, if you feel like expressing yourself why not sing about it? Kurt, the token gay character, is all about himself. He isn't sorry for being openly gay in Ohio (where the show is set) or the fact that he dresses well, or even that he likes Lady Gaga.

In short, I think you should all check out Glee, not just a show for teenagers!

Sketchup.

Sketchup BLOWS. I'm sorry professor, but I hope something really bad happened to the creator of Sketchup. It is the most frustrating, anxiety inducing, makes-you-rip-your-hair-out program. I'm sorry that my museum is going to suck, but this such a hard program to use for someone who has never done anything on a program like this. I think what everyone else is doing is really cool, but I just can't do it. It's so hard.

I'm so frustrated right now, I'm trying to get creative but none of my pictures will wrap around circular objects or anything. Why am I the only one who can't get it? I swear, ever since I came to Stony Brook I have never felt more stupid in my life. I just feel like everyone is so far ahead of me in everything, it really just makes you want to quit.

Okay, now that I blew off some steam I'm going to hop back on to Sketchup. Again, I apologize in advance that my museum won't be as intricate or cool as other peoples. Hopefully my pictures will make up for it.

Facebook.

Sometimes I really don't understand Facebook. I make it a point almost every month to go through my friends and delete people I don't talk to anymore. Why would I want someone I went to high school with to know every single detail of my life? If they commented on one of my statuses or a picture I would think they were a creep and it gets me thinking "why are they looking at my page?" I was looking at my friend Aaron's page a few minutes ago and saw that he has over 2,000 friends. What?! Does he actually know all of those people?! It's just a strange concept to me.

I have about 500 friends, all friends and family. People I feel comfortable enough to look at their pages, comment on their stuff.. I would hate for someone to think I was a creep! I mean, what does someone get out of having that many friends? I guess for networking purposes, but let's say someone is doing really well and one of their "friends" that they haven't talked to in a few years randomly messages them asking them if they can get them a job. Are we all that selfish?

What do you think? How many friends do you have?

Film Project.

I really had a lot of fun doing this film project, and I'm actually proud of mine! This was the first time I've ever done anything like this, and I find the more I work on it the more I want to show it to my family and the class. I never got to show my pictures from the powerpoint I made, so it's going to be exciting to present.

When I started this project I thought I was going to be at a disadvantage because my computer is so old, I don't even have Mac OSX! But then I found that my version of iMovie has a lot of "themes" that the new computers don't have. My images and my animation are very unique, which I love.

I also had a blast doing the music. My first song features Mr. Rogers and in my mind the song has a very wholesome feel with a little bit of an anguished twist. My second song really reflects the hard times my family went through in the past few decades as well as the drastic changes our society has made.

I hope you all enjoy making your projects as much as I did!

SO angry!

UGH! Can I just say that transfer students at Stony Brook get shafted and f**ked over. First off, I didn't find out that I was even IN until August! Then they had me register for classes at orientation, when there's nothing left. So BASICALLY, my advisor said you're going to take this this and this three classes which I didn't have any interest in. I have always had a 4.0 GPA, I'm extremely neurotic when it comes to school and grades. I dropped one of my classes because I didn't want it to effect my grades, and NOW I find out I'm failing my geo class. And it's not like I don't study, I actually studied with flash cards and everything for our first big test, but apparently that's not enough. I studied in other classes, I studied at work, and I thought I did really well on the test, but NO I failed it! And it's all because of stupid Stony Brook not telling me that I was into the school until later, when all the classes I'm interested in are gone. So it's almost like I'm being forced into failing. I don't know what I can do to get my grade up..

I'm going to transfer again I think. This will be my third time transferring and fourth school in three years. I transferred from New Paltz to AMDA because I needed more training for my career. Once I graduated from AMDA (which doesn't give you a degree by the way) I came to Stony Brook because I heard they had an amazing theatre program (which doesn't even do any productions!!!!) and because I had moved in with my boyfriend out on Long Island. OH! I also found out when I transferred to Stony Brook that AMDA was unaccredited, so it's like I'm in my sophomore year of college at age 21. F**king awesome. My old roommate from AMDA is going to The New School and apparently they took all her credits from AMDA and she'll be graduating in the spring.

I think I need to move back to the city. Long Island is just too much for me, and I'm sorry but Stony Brook is bullsh*t.

Coincidence?

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Whether it's something as complex as justice, or something as simple as me putting on a grubby tee shirt and feeling unattractive and everyone I see says I look pretty that day. But what does it mean when it comes to interacting with other people?

Michael and I went food shopping today and we ran into three different people that we know. First was his mother, which had reminded us that she had borrowed our speakers. Then we ran into an old friend who we don't really speak to anymore (we've grown apart from him), and before we left we ran into Michael's aunt we we haven't seen in a year. Now why would we just run into them? Just for no reason? There has to be something behind it, we were meant to see them and talk to them. With his mother, I was reminded of my speakers. Seeing Pete reminded us of how much we miss him and also of how he's not the same person anymore. Michael's aunt and he talked about a job that Michael could do for her.

I just can't bring myself to believe that there's no reason behind why we run into people, meet people, or even talk to them. What do you believe?

Purple.

Recently lots of young homosexual teens have been committing suicide... This upsets me more than I can express through text or words. It's all because of bullying in school, they couldn't take it anymore. Well, here's my letter to young gay youth.

Dear reader,

I know it seems hard now but trust me, it gets better. I know you wake up everyday dreading the day before you, your heart beating so loud it hurts your ears as you get on the bus, the lump you get in your throat before going to class, and not eating lunch because you think you have no one to sit with. I sympathize. Junior high and high school are so hard.. for EVERYONE. In junior high I was called ugly every single day, I was pushed into lockers and called a loser. When I got to high school, I had grown into my looks a little bit and I made friends. I had friends from every clique, but because I didn't belong to one, I STILL endured bullying.

See? It's not just you. I want you all to look at yourself. Take a good long look in the mirror, you are beautiful - inside and out. What do you want to be when you grow up? Whatever you want to be, make it happen. Make that your focus, start saving up money to leave whatever town you live in and make it a possibility to move wherever you'd like to be. Don't pay attention to bullying, people who call you a "fag" or a "dyke" are probably insecure about their own sexuality and it's a reflection on their parents, it's horrible parenting.. All these kids should be persecuted, they belong in jail. In my mind it is unintentional manslaughter.

I'm sorry that you have to endure everything you go through. Just keep your head up, there are plenty of people out there just ready to meet you, be friends with you, and love you.

It gets better. It has to.

Nightmares.

I don't know whether it's because of my anxiety, all the accidents I've been seeing recently, or the fact that I decorated my apartment for Halloween but last night I had the WORST nightmare. It lasted ALL night and it was a very in depth storyline. It started out with this very handsome guy in all of my classes, he and I started talking and even dating. Then I got into his house somehow and he had shelves upon shelves of all this stuff. Pictures of girls and DOZENS of their belongings, under each shelf of memoribilia there was a tag with the girl's name, her birth date, and what I had assumed was her death date.
Then I stumbled across my shelf. He had tons of pictures of me, including my headshots, my brush, some of my make up, various clothing, etc. I looked at my name tag and it had said the end of my life was today, as soon as I saw that I looked out the window and he was fiddling with his fussy lock on his screen porch door, I had to sneak out! As I was leaving, I looked at his cat, it had pure fear in its eyes, so I picked up his cat (which is actually my cat in real life) and then I woke up. When I woke up my heart was beating so fast, I was sweating, and I feel like I had just been running for my life.

What do you think nightmares really mean?