i love you dad...

So this is my first blog in quite a while. Honestly, I haven't been able to keep up with the work in this class for the last 2 or 3 weeks. My father was hospitalized halloween weekend, and that week i went down to florida to be with him. He is terminally ill, and I simply don't know how to stop thinking about that long enough to make a sketchup project or videotape machine textures or make a song on garageband. I don't know how to prepare myself for such a loss. I don't know how to talk about it. I don't know how to express the extreme emotional, physical and mental stress. This diagnosis was not really a surprise, since 3 years ago he was diagnosed with stage 3 metastatic melanoma (skin cancer) and the doctors have said it's a miracle he was able to hold on as long as he has. My mom made us come back after we arranged the best care we could for him, because for now there is nothing else we could do. My father and I have not had the best of relationships throughout the years, but to me it is all irrelevant, he is my dad and I can't begin to imagine a world without him. This is probably too personal for many of you, but I feel like i finally had to say something. I was tired of sitting in class and being looked at like "i live in can't-ada" because I can't sit down long enough to do it. I'm really trying to get back on track, I've worked really hard this semester and I don't want to throw that away. It's just impossibly hard. I'm trying to go down as much as i can, which is pretty limited until finals are over. My parents both extremely valued grades, and my dad wanted me to come back only after I showed him an A in every class. I'm trying to do that for him. I don't know why it's easier to discuss this online than face to face with one of my friends, maybe because it's so impersonal and no one has to see my reactions or give the standard "i'm sorry," not that i don't appreciate people trying to help. Anyway, I'm going to end up being late again. To everyone that has helped me, thank you. Looking back on this paragraph, it's amazing how clinical it sounds.