My Last Blog, I Love You Dad

My last blog is dedicated to the memory of my father, Manny Goldman. I love you so much dad, and I miss you so much. I wish you could be here to see how hard I'm trying to work at school just like you always demanded of me. I know you won't be here to see me graduate college, go to graduate school, get married, and so many other things. But I know that you would still be proud of me. I dedicate this blog knowing I don't have to come back to this website again, and I can leave everyone with a picture of my family from this summer at the Bronx Zoo. It's too painful to look at pictures myself, but I want him to be seen, I want everyone to know this is who he was. This was the last time I saw my dad in a fully conscious and aware state. I don't have many pictures with my dad and somehow, subconsciously I think I knew I had to take some. I remember even getting angry that my parents complained about stopping in the street in NYC to do it. But it was worth it, because I will always have something to look back on now. This Sunday, I am finally laying him to rest. It's so hard to say goodbye, and I'm just not ready to do so. I don't know that I'll ever be ready. How the hell can you become ready? Every day is a struggle to pretend everything is okay, to show everyone I'm not weak. But the truth is, I am, and it's all just make believe. Thank God I have always had a huge aversion to "airing dirty laundry" in public that keeps me from making a public display of myself. I got that from my dad and my mom, they never allowed people to see anything but what they wanted them to see. I love you dad I can only hope you're in a better place without pain, and where you can be happy.

RIP Manny Goldman, Beloved Father, 7/16/1941- 11/21/2010.

this class.

I would like to say that for because of this class, I did learn how to use many new programs on the computer. I would also like to add many of these programs, especially sketchup, crashed my computer. I have a brand new Macbook Pro, so let's establish my computer and my memory were not the problem. It was fun getting to know people in this class, and although I already had friends at Stonybrook I was able to make some new ones and make old friendships better, AND bring both some of my new and old friendships together. Even this Friday Kevin, Sid and I are going to have dinner, as long as Sid doesn't ditch like he did in the city. Cassie usually eats with us but she's going to be in the city with her family. It was funny seeing sides to people you never thought they had, like Simon and some bold moves he made. This class did teach me not to view everything between the lines, and made me see there are professions you can create for yourself, you don't have to go into the established workforce in order to be successful. That said, I wish there had been a little bit more structure since I had no clue what was going on half the time and it showed in the realllllllllllllly attractive confused and idiotic facial expressions everyone saw on me all semester. I have a question though. Professor Baldwin, are your glasses fake? I noticed you take them off every time you're really looking at something or trying to find something on your computer, phone, piece of paper, whatever. I'm just curious. Thanks for an eventful semester!

Finals

Studying for finals is literally driving me insane right now. I haven't gotten up from my kitchen table for 6 hours. Not to pee, or get a drink, or do anything. Dedication? yes. a slight touch of mental illness coming on? probably. Appropriate that I was studying Bio and now Biopsychology of Psychiatric disorders. I can just diagnose myself after finals are over and I have time to do human things again like eating, sleep, see the sun or go outside, and have friends. I've figured out for my biopsych exam I only have to get a 15 out of 33 in order to keep my grade at an A, but I hate going into a test feeling unprepared. Therefore, I sit here for endless hours looking like one of those plastic troll dolls from when we were kids, and hate my life. I think I sound like everyone else though, so I'm not to worried...yet. Can I just add these stupid word verifications are impossible. am i the only one that has to do it like 4 times because it's so stupid looking and unreadable?

copyright issues

So as I'm procrastinating again and going on one of my favorite websites to distract me, Perez Hilton, I found another article about the Black Eyed Peas getting sued over copyright issues. This has to be easily the 4th or 5th time I've seen an article in reference to them being sued for illegally taking one artist's music and calling it their own. Many of these artists can't even afford effective legal teams in order to rightfully claim money owed to them, and I find it really distasteful that such a seemingly successful group can't seem to come up with their own ideas. I can understand that many songs and beats sound similar since there's only so many instruments in the world, but this is not the first time they have been sued. Personally, I am not a big Black Eyed Peas fan, and therefore am even less inclined to believe their side of the story; of course it being that they didn't steal the music or beat. How many times does someone have to accuse you of copyright infringement before you realize if you can't make your own songs, DON'T PUT OUT AN ALBUM STEALING SOMEONE ELSES. I think it really is so disgusting if they really did steal it, don't they have enough "hits" and money that they can just pay someone else to come up with some fresh ideas if they're so tapped out? There are so many struggling artists out there, and big name groups or artists stealing music from them is shameful. According to the article:

"George Clinton, a legend in funk music, is suing The Black Eyed Peas for allegedly sampling one of his songs on their track, Shut Up.

The song was first featured on their 2003 album, Elephunk, but has spawn several remixes since then, including one that appeared on the deluxe edition of The E.N.D. album. According to Clinton's lawsuit, the group used elements of George's song (Not Just) Knee Deep on this remix.

As he insists that he never granted the group permission to use the song, he's suing will.i.am and Fergie, along with Universal Music Group for copyright infringement damages and an injunction to block further sales of the remixes."

Furthermore, according to ABC News:

"Clinton claims producers tried to license "(Not Just) Knee Deep" in 2009, but he refused. He claims his signature was forged on a release form later provided to his attorneys and that he has never been paid royalties on the remixes."

I'm putting both of the songs in this blog so people can compare for themselves if they think the songs sound similar. Here you go:

The Black Eyed Peas song

George Clinton's song

bellagio robbery

This video is about an armed man who took the Bellagio hotel in Las Vegas for as much as $2 million in gambling chips. It reminds me of Ocean's eleven, but much less elaborate and without the drool-worthy faces of George Clooney or Brad Pitt. Personally I prefer the Ocean's 11 version, and this guy sucks. I'm curious how long it;s going to take them to find him. This isn't a robbery of a mom & pop store, this is the Bellagio. Going off on a tangent- I saw the O Show there a few years ago, and it was awesome. Hopefully I can go back to vegas soon and see the new Beatles Cirque Du Soleil.

ughhhhhh

That was hands down the worst night of sleep in my entire life. After waking up at about 2:50 am in a cold sweat i couldn't fall back asleep until about 5 am, upon which i wake up and fall back asleep almost every hour again in a cold sweat. I have no idea what the hell was going on other than maybe I'm getting sick. I'm so exhausted and I have to get out of bed now and just study all day liek I did yesterday. Can't wait. I think finals are literally going to kill me. I can't wait for it to be next week already when my best friend is finally home from Italy, i've missed her so much. She's going with me and my mom to Italy again for spring break since we didn't get to go over thanksgiving. I'm actually paying for her plane ticket as a gift, because I really want her to go since eit would be 100000 times more fun and she knows all the best places to go since she just spent the semester there. I guess it's good my mom took away all my birthday money for the last 3 years so that I didn't spend it on stupid stuff like clothes, going out, beer, whatever. Now I can use it for something so much more awesome. Once again, just want to say that was the worst night of sleep in my entire life.

Stupid, stupid tattoos

see more Ugliest Tattoos

Can i just say......what the hell. Listen, I read the books, I'll admit it, and I picked up the first one way before this stupid craze ever started. I haven't seen any of the movies, nor do I ever plan to. I understand loving a book or movie character, or an actor and plastering your room with pictures of that person (like we all did for BSB, 'Nsync, or whatever teen heart throbs we had at the time) but this is just plain insanity. Not to mention how horrible the artwork was done. Who the hell certified this tattoo artist? Who the hell would be stupid enough to get this tattoo, especially to pay for such a horrific thing once you saw the results? Tattoos aren't cheap, this one easily cost over $300. I cannot say it enough, WHY?!?!?!?!

jersey Shore

So here's the trailer for the new season. Yes, I am guilty of watching Jersey Shore, I just love it so much that these people actually exist in the world. It makes me believe that no matter what mistakes I may make, nothing is as bad as what these people do or act like. Sure, they have huge paychecks that I'd love to receive and celebrity status for being drunken whores and assholes, but to me it's just like watching an alien race, and SO ENTERTAINING. and hey, they're human capital, right? They make money just for appearing at a club or promoting some new clothing line, thats certainly not a typical factory job.

jeopardy

Since we've been talking about a lot of interactive technologies, I stumbled upon this article and thought it was interesting, and I think I might actually tune in to watch it although it's not airing until February. The concept seems like a really cool idea. Apparently, according to reports, an IBM has teamed up with the show Jeopardy! to see if their supercomputer, called Watson, can beat two of the best contestants the game has ever seen.

just copy and paste the link into your browser.

http://perezhilton.com/2010-12-14-jeopardy-contestants-to-compete-against-supercomputer

Television addict?

So I've realized that I spend a really ridiculous amount of free or random time watching television shows. I decided to make a list of them. here goes:

- True Blood

- Boardwalk Empire

- Dexter

- Mad Men

- The Walking Dead

- House

- Gossip Girl

- Criminal Minds

- Grey's Anatomy

- South Park

- Family Guy

- Bones

- Weeds

- Tosh.0

- American Dad

- The Ultimate Fighter

- and yes, I'll admit to watching Jersey Shore.

Not all of them air during the same seasons/time of year, but I guess I've realized I spend wayyyy too much time sitting in front of the tv or watching it on my computer, but I can't seem to stop watching a series once I start- it's like an addiction for me. Harmless enough I suppose since I still get good grades, go to school, go out with friends, I'm not obese, and have a part time job. Anyone else seem to watch as much tv as I do, or any of these shows?

dexter

Dexter is hands down one of my tops 5 favorite shows, and I have a lot of favorite shows. However, I think this season finale, as compared to the last one was a bit of a disappointment. Last season the season finale caused me to actually yell at my tv, throw the remote and be generally furious and shocked. This season seems like the writers wanted to end on a happier note since last season ended with such a terrific and dramatic shocker. When I was watching this season ending on Sunday with my mom, I easily thought the episode could have ended at about 9:40 pm and was actually surprised there was any material left to cover in the last 20 minutes. Last season you were kept in suspense till the very last second. Maybe I'm just not a fan of the open-ended seemingly happy type ending after such a promising story line. It definitely leaves a lot of options for how the next season is going to begin, and I literally cannot wait for Dexter to be back on and have no life on Sunday nights.

oh, wonderful

So as I'm on my way to pick up the other 2 kids from elementary school that I'm babysitting today (their sister is too young for school) I passed what is obviously a drug deal going on. How stupid do you have to be to do a drug deal on a dead end street that has a path to an elementary school and serves no purpose other than a walkway for parents that live close enough to the school to pick up their kids? Not to mention the fact that literally every other house is occupied by a cop or retired cop and that one of the wives took down the license plates of both cars. Honestly though, right next to an elementary school right around the time that all the kids are let out? That has to be the HEIGHT of stupidity. They weren't so old that they didn't know 3:30 pm is the time all elementary schools let out, or at least between the 3-4 pm range. Not to mention the fact that it kinda disturbs me that they would do it around so many kids. Personally I wouldn't get involved (for example taking down plate numbers), unless they approached or threatened the safety of the kids in any way- then I'd take a frying pan to their heads- but I really felt uncomfortable having to skirt around their cars so obviously parked window to window with a 3 year old girl and on the way back with the 10 and 6 year old kids too. I'm not going to start preaching about immorality or illegality, but come on is it necessary to do it around so many elementary school kids? I think thats a new level of disrespect and stupidity.

annoying dog

I have very little to say in this blog other than this first dog , although cute, is a MENACE. It barks at literally EVERYTHING and ANYTHING, and I cannot seem to get 2 minutes worth of studying done. Thank all that is holy that this is not my dog, and just the woman i babysit for. His name is Jasper and he's almost a year old, but COME ON. he gets literally everywhere and anywhere you don't want him to go, barks all the time, and is just so annoying. My dog Cookie, the second dog (black and white with a mickey mouse on the side) in comparison, is adorable, quiet and...old. Haha she's such a good dog except for the incessant barking she sometimes does when I leave the house that causes my landlord to get mad. She's my pup, even though she's 12 years old. I suppose I'm biased, but personally I've never seen a cuter or more well behaved dog (minus the barking when i leave the house) except for when she eats my socks, tissues and undergarments. But really that just teaches me to not leave anything lying around and clean up after myself. Naturally I only learned that lesson after she ate about $500 worth of underwear, but she's so sweet you just can't stay mad. The really funny thing is she doesn't respond to any english commands other than to sit. Everything else she only responds to in Russian. Even her name she doesn't respond to, only the nickname my mom always called her which sounds like "Coonyah" when it's pronounced. It's hilarious listening to my boyfriend try to repeat the commands in Russian with his horrific accent. I guess Russian is just a hard language to learn and pronounce the sounds correctly. Getting back to Jasper though, I've literally had to put him in his crate, in the other room, with a blanket over it (don't worry he can breathe, has his toys and water) but it still doesn't seem to help all that much. I have no idea how the woman I babysit for deals with him. It's so frustrating when I shouldn't even be here to begin with, but this is a friend and former employee of my mom's and she begged me to help her out and babysit her kids today since her neighbor who usually watches them has a sick daughter. Anyone have any suggestions on how to get this little terror to be quiet?

uncertainty of diagnostic tools in mental illness

As I'm studying for my biopsychology final, I'm finding out some information that I find to be actually interesting and a little bit of a cause for concern. The current chapter I'm studying is called Biopsychology of Psychiatric Disorders. One particular fact that bothered me was the diagnostic tool used for the classification of mental disorders, the DSM-IV-TR. According to my book, there are currently about 400 conditions and disorders listed in the DSM, compared to 60 in the 1950's. To me this is a little bit problematic because although we can now more accurately diagnose a patient, there is an extended definition of "abnormal" labeling. Now every little quirk can be indicative of an "abnormal" symptom. A line I'll take from the movie The Tourist which I saw over the weekend-specifically said by Johnny Depp's character was "You are the least down-to-earth person I have ever met." This line from him was meant to be a compliment because supposedly where the character was from, being down-to-earth and plain was a compliment that he thought was silly. I feel that now our society is beginning to accept more quirks, but they are still not seen as normal or indicative of an "average"mind. Lady Gaga is an artist that puts herself completely left of center, but it is "creative genius" and any "normal" person walking down the street in one of her outfits would still be ridiculed and made a big deal of. She is exempt because of her celebrity status, but us average people are supposed to excel by being the best at blending in. Otherwise, we may be diagnosed with some form of mental disorder. The extended and often confusing guidelines for the DSM are bothersome because they are just that-guidelines. No one seems to be able to concretely define the disorders, which leaves room to speculation and interpretation even within these lines. An extended definition of "abnormal" needs to be carefully regulated because it can easily become a way to slap a label of illness onto someone that just sees the world in a different, but completely acceptable and equally harmless way.

Also about justin beiber.

I think the following video says it all. Ozzy ozbourne is hilarious, and clearly shows what most of the american public with at least half a brain is thinking. I cannot for the life of me understand the obsession that has taken America by storm. My boyfriend's sister is obsessed with him, like most teenage girls and I DON'T GET IT. She has been to 2 concerts and even waited outside of a tv studio for about 10-12 hours just to see him get interviewed on Good Morning America or some other nonsense. I mean let's be real, i drooled over 'Nsync and BSB but at least they had hit puberty (Justin Beiber's seems to be quite delayed in coming). He is literally a Canadian mini Usher, with a ridiculously stupid haircut that Cassie mentioned in an earlier blog. I cannot believe the stupidity and absurdity of Barbara Walters naming him one of her most interesting people of 2010 and being primarily interested in his 16 year old love life. REALLY?!?!? I don't get it, I don't think I ever will. The funniest part to me overall has been going into the barbershop with my boyfriend last week and hearing someone ask for a "justin-beiber-like hairdo." I agree with literally everything Cassie said in her blog about him, I don't think I could have possibly put it better myself. Anyway, enjoy Ozzy if you can understand him.

movies

Can I just start out by saying that Angelina Jolie is GORGEOUS. My mother and I just saw the movie The Tourist, and although I'm forever drooling over Johnny Depp I literally stared at Angelina just thinking I would give anything to look like her. That said, I actually thought the movie was better than the previews made it out to be. They showed some really cool technology, like being able to recreate a soggy burned note on a computer program, when the note was in a different country then the man trying to piece it together on the computer. However, I am getting a little annoyed over the similar plots of the movies Angelina has been in lately. This was another suspense/action movie with a twist at the end, just like Salt. I love both Johnny Depp and Angelina and would definitely see any movie that had both of them in it. I would love to see another changeling-type movie as well.

tank

Today was the show at the tank. Not going to lie, i was really proud of my little "blood" squirting knife that kerry used on nase in the hamlet performance. Overall, although i thought the tank would be bigger, it was still a cool project we got to participate in. The only real down side was everyone being crammed into a really small area clearly not meant to be packed out like it was for us. i was surprised at how many people actually came. Personally, I thought the hamlet performance was the most interesting part with the videos being projected onto the mostly white costumes they were wearing. A good effect to have added would have been to cut the lights when Nase's throat was cut, because there's really no walking off stage in any way that makes sense after you're supposed to be dead. Overall today was a lot of fun and I'm glad I got to experience something new and innovative like the technology we got to use today.

costume stuff

So let's just start off by saying finding a knife fake blood and a tiara were much harder than I expected. I went to 3 party citys and the selection was SO small since it's after halloween. I was able to find a knife that fills up with "blood" when you tilt it down, but that was the only thing that i actually was happy with. i got 2 tiaras for kerry to choose from because the only tiaras they had that didn't say "happy birthday" or "princess" had small disney pictures or were never meant to fit on a head past the age of 4 years old. The fake blood was a problem too because the label even says it may stain clothes, but it was the only kind they had and ordering from online with express shipping to get here on time was about$40. Thanks, but no thanks that price is a little ridiculous. Now i just have to figure out how to rig the knife so that blood will "squirt" somehow when Kerry slices Nase. Nase, if you see this, try to use an older shirt that you don't care about because ,I'd hate to ruin a nice shirt of yours but I wasn't able to find any fake blood that said it wouldn't stain( and I don't have your number). The last piece I have to get is a water gun, but since I have to go to my mom's house in Staten Island today my boyfriend said he's going to help me because the last time I tried to spray paint the bottle exploded on me, once again reinforcing I am not the artistic kind, and I definitely don't have time to start experimenting now. I just want to get it done and make it look authentic enough for them to use during the Hamlet sketch. It really is so annoying because Anthony has a realistic looking paintball gun but it's apparently illegal to bring into NYC and we'd really rather not get into trouble over it. I'm actually kind of excited just to see how this is all going to work out since I've never done anything like this before. Oh well, time to go get the spray paint, wish me luck!

busy busy busy

Today is seriously going to be such a busy day. It's the last week of classes and Cassie and I still have to find a skirt for her before rehearsal among other things. I have this class, then me, Cassie, Kevin and Sid are all going to our last lunch today, and we all agreed to dress nice (which means no ufc clothing or sweatpants). After that i have to run home and feed my dog and le her out, come back get Cassie when she' s done with her test and go look for her skirt, and then come back to sbu for rehearsal so we can decide on the makeup/hair/ final choices for the final project. I really don't think I'll be home for about 10 hours except for the 5 minutes it takes to let my dog out. All the running around is really just so exhausting, plus I have to study when I get home for my finals next week. I'm really curious to see how this whole final project is going to come together and if we're actually going to be able to get a lot of people to come. Anyway, I hope it gets a little bit warmer for Saturday because it is FREEZING outside right now and I'm definitely not looking forward to a 10/12 block hike through the city in this weather. ugh.

Children of today

I frequently babysit for a woman that used to work in my mother's office. All the children are 10 and under, and I've noticed that they seem so much more grown up then kids the same age acted 10 years ago. Not to mention, the 10 year old has a cell phone. Seriously? who could he possibly need to call that at 10 years old he needs a cellphone? Sometimes it comes in handy when he's walking to a friends house and calls me to let me know he got there, or to let me know baseball practice ended early, but really I think it's a little bit ridiculous. These kids have so much technology at their fingertips, and yet I don't see it benefitting them. Most of the day is spent on the couch watching high-def tv or playing ps3 or psp or games I've never heard of and decided not to even bother trying to figure out. I feel like getting all 3 of them to go outside and play a game is torture. The oldest one loves to be outside and play sports, but the youngest two need to literally be dragged outside by their shoelaces or with cookie bribes. When i was their age, my imagination was unstoppable. I had so many toys like barbies, beanie babies, the plastic dinosaurs/farm animals/ jungle animals, etc that i made whole histories, relationships, occupations and cities for. The new technologies coming out are more interactive, but they still keep kids inside and working off of someone else's imagination, not their own. Not to mention being inside all the time really just isn't healthy in my opinion. The mom tries to get them involved in dance and sports teams, but other than that they seem to have no motivation to really just go and "play" like i remember all the kids around me doing. I have seen literally every single episode of iCarly and dora the explorer after babysitting them this summer and into the fall- it's kind of nauseating. Maybe I'm just biased, but I think something needs to be done to separate these kids from so much invasive and impersonal technology. PSP won't give you any real friends, Yo Gabba Gabba will not teach kids how to interact with one another.