My Last Blog, I Love You Dad

My last blog is dedicated to the memory of my father, Manny Goldman. I love you so much dad, and I miss you so much. I wish you could be here to see how hard I'm trying to work at school just like you always demanded of me. I know you won't be here to see me graduate college, go to graduate school, get married, and so many other things. But I know that you would still be proud of me. I dedicate this blog knowing I don't have to come back to this website again, and I can leave everyone with a picture of my family from this summer at the Bronx Zoo. It's too painful to look at pictures myself, but I want him to be seen, I want everyone to know this is who he was. This was the last time I saw my dad in a fully conscious and aware state. I don't have many pictures with my dad and somehow, subconsciously I think I knew I had to take some. I remember even getting angry that my parents complained about stopping in the street in NYC to do it. But it was worth it, because I will always have something to look back on now. This Sunday, I am finally laying him to rest. It's so hard to say goodbye, and I'm just not ready to do so. I don't know that I'll ever be ready. How the hell can you become ready? Every day is a struggle to pretend everything is okay, to show everyone I'm not weak. But the truth is, I am, and it's all just make believe. Thank God I have always had a huge aversion to "airing dirty laundry" in public that keeps me from making a public display of myself. I got that from my dad and my mom, they never allowed people to see anything but what they wanted them to see. I love you dad I can only hope you're in a better place without pain, and where you can be happy.

RIP Manny Goldman, Beloved Father, 7/16/1941- 11/21/2010.

this class.

I would like to say that for because of this class, I did learn how to use many new programs on the computer. I would also like to add many of these programs, especially sketchup, crashed my computer. I have a brand new Macbook Pro, so let's establish my computer and my memory were not the problem. It was fun getting to know people in this class, and although I already had friends at Stonybrook I was able to make some new ones and make old friendships better, AND bring both some of my new and old friendships together. Even this Friday Kevin, Sid and I are going to have dinner, as long as Sid doesn't ditch like he did in the city. Cassie usually eats with us but she's going to be in the city with her family. It was funny seeing sides to people you never thought they had, like Simon and some bold moves he made. This class did teach me not to view everything between the lines, and made me see there are professions you can create for yourself, you don't have to go into the established workforce in order to be successful. That said, I wish there had been a little bit more structure since I had no clue what was going on half the time and it showed in the realllllllllllllly attractive confused and idiotic facial expressions everyone saw on me all semester. I have a question though. Professor Baldwin, are your glasses fake? I noticed you take them off every time you're really looking at something or trying to find something on your computer, phone, piece of paper, whatever. I'm just curious. Thanks for an eventful semester!

Finals

Studying for finals is literally driving me insane right now. I haven't gotten up from my kitchen table for 6 hours. Not to pee, or get a drink, or do anything. Dedication? yes. a slight touch of mental illness coming on? probably. Appropriate that I was studying Bio and now Biopsychology of Psychiatric disorders. I can just diagnose myself after finals are over and I have time to do human things again like eating, sleep, see the sun or go outside, and have friends. I've figured out for my biopsych exam I only have to get a 15 out of 33 in order to keep my grade at an A, but I hate going into a test feeling unprepared. Therefore, I sit here for endless hours looking like one of those plastic troll dolls from when we were kids, and hate my life. I think I sound like everyone else though, so I'm not to worried...yet. Can I just add these stupid word verifications are impossible. am i the only one that has to do it like 4 times because it's so stupid looking and unreadable?

FINAL VIDEO*

my parents and avoiding the pink collar

- Carolina Hidalgo

"original hipster"

Someone's comment upon looking through old photos of my mom that I pulled together for the family history project.

friendship

Friendships are strange things. They seem to be formed when you're not paying attention.

out

...the wildness, the freedom. Of clicking down dark streets and up dingy, dimly lit staircases in the cold with a little yellow purse haphazardly packed with a disposable camera, a pack of cheap cigarettes you bought the night before at a closed gas station and a few crumpled dollar bills...

garage band tracks

fall '10

On the first day I've spent by myself in a long, long time, I'm reflecting on the semester. So many new friends, new experiences. So much living. A while back I up a picture of me and some friends standing on the ledge of a lighthouse. We had climbed up after scrambling around in a nearby cove and racing along the shore. The caption reads, "It's quite possible I fell in love with life on the Oregon coast." And I believe this to be completely true. Some snapshots in an attempt to sum up this semester back in this place where I spent three years at without ever knowing anyone or anything.

copyright issues

So as I'm procrastinating again and going on one of my favorite websites to distract me, Perez Hilton, I found another article about the Black Eyed Peas getting sued over copyright issues. This has to be easily the 4th or 5th time I've seen an article in reference to them being sued for illegally taking one artist's music and calling it their own. Many of these artists can't even afford effective legal teams in order to rightfully claim money owed to them, and I find it really distasteful that such a seemingly successful group can't seem to come up with their own ideas. I can understand that many songs and beats sound similar since there's only so many instruments in the world, but this is not the first time they have been sued. Personally, I am not a big Black Eyed Peas fan, and therefore am even less inclined to believe their side of the story; of course it being that they didn't steal the music or beat. How many times does someone have to accuse you of copyright infringement before you realize if you can't make your own songs, DON'T PUT OUT AN ALBUM STEALING SOMEONE ELSES. I think it really is so disgusting if they really did steal it, don't they have enough "hits" and money that they can just pay someone else to come up with some fresh ideas if they're so tapped out? There are so many struggling artists out there, and big name groups or artists stealing music from them is shameful. According to the article:

"George Clinton, a legend in funk music, is suing The Black Eyed Peas for allegedly sampling one of his songs on their track, Shut Up.

The song was first featured on their 2003 album, Elephunk, but has spawn several remixes since then, including one that appeared on the deluxe edition of The E.N.D. album. According to Clinton's lawsuit, the group used elements of George's song (Not Just) Knee Deep on this remix.

As he insists that he never granted the group permission to use the song, he's suing will.i.am and Fergie, along with Universal Music Group for copyright infringement damages and an injunction to block further sales of the remixes."

Furthermore, according to ABC News:

"Clinton claims producers tried to license "(Not Just) Knee Deep" in 2009, but he refused. He claims his signature was forged on a release form later provided to his attorneys and that he has never been paid royalties on the remixes."

I'm putting both of the songs in this blog so people can compare for themselves if they think the songs sound similar. Here you go:

The Black Eyed Peas song

George Clinton's song

Musings, cont'd

...Because she'll go to bed soon, next to that long-distance boyfriend she came to visit, and I'll head out, with this man I met in a foreign country a year ago, my boots clicking down the stairs, with my heavy eyelids and my uncalled-for laughter...

self

So for this New York Times photojournalism workshop I'm going to in January, the photo editor we're gonna be working with wants a self-portrait. I thought of doing something blown-out with studio lights but I would need some help with the lighting and studio is not really my thing and not what I want to do. Wasn't sure how I was gonna come up with a self-portrait and then I remembered this shot from the last day of a journalism conference in Vegas. I'm not sure if I'll go with it but it's the best option I have right now. We'll have to speak about our photo so I feel this would be relevant since it was from the first time I really applied as a photojournalist for something. I guess it was my first time with that title, instead of "reporter."


It was a sleep-less week filled with stress and coffee and, though I don't really even smoke, cheap Nevada-priced cigarettes. Instant friends, drama, journalism advice, slot machines, ridiculous amounts of alcohol, newspaper production.

This was the last morning. Almost everyone was gone. My friends from Minnesota had just taken off and my huge, upgraded hotel room felt empty. The sunlight filtering in through the window, which I had hardly had a chance to enjoy, highlighted the mess that remained. Business-card sized fliers for prostitutes, beer bottles and cigarette butts.

I had just had a final 8 a.m. meeting with the newspaper team in the same dress from the night before and a slight headache. So I sat across the window sill, lit a Camel and took it all in. The artificiality right outside with mountains in the distance. My own artificiality reflected in the window.

-CH

R. U. R.

Definitely not as enjoyable as the Hamlet portion of the show.

bellagio robbery

This video is about an armed man who took the Bellagio hotel in Las Vegas for as much as $2 million in gambling chips. It reminds me of Ocean's eleven, but much less elaborate and without the drool-worthy faces of George Clooney or Brad Pitt. Personally I prefer the Ocean's 11 version, and this guy sucks. I'm curious how long it;s going to take them to find him. This isn't a robbery of a mom & pop store, this is the Bellagio. Going off on a tangent- I saw the O Show there a few years ago, and it was awesome. Hopefully I can go back to vegas soon and see the new Beatles Cirque Du Soleil.

ughhhhhh

That was hands down the worst night of sleep in my entire life. After waking up at about 2:50 am in a cold sweat i couldn't fall back asleep until about 5 am, upon which i wake up and fall back asleep almost every hour again in a cold sweat. I have no idea what the hell was going on other than maybe I'm getting sick. I'm so exhausted and I have to get out of bed now and just study all day liek I did yesterday. Can't wait. I think finals are literally going to kill me. I can't wait for it to be next week already when my best friend is finally home from Italy, i've missed her so much. She's going with me and my mom to Italy again for spring break since we didn't get to go over thanksgiving. I'm actually paying for her plane ticket as a gift, because I really want her to go since eit would be 100000 times more fun and she knows all the best places to go since she just spent the semester there. I guess it's good my mom took away all my birthday money for the last 3 years so that I didn't spend it on stupid stuff like clothes, going out, beer, whatever. Now I can use it for something so much more awesome. Once again, just want to say that was the worst night of sleep in my entire life.

quiet rooms

"cars they go by slow."

family history

Really glad we had to do this project. I finally had time to interview my parents on video and the whole thing came full circle. It definitely brought us closer in some way and brought me closer to Colombia.

powerpoint

some screen shots from my old family history powerpoint.
this was my favorite class project. It gave me the chance to learn a lot more about my parents' lives and their childhoods.

party. after

post-show. new york city.

thursday thoughts

She was a movie character, that perfectly imperfect ex-girlfriend. With dark hair and Katherine Heigl teeth and a demurely commanding presence.

But being around such creative energy, such artists... The kind with plaster constantly on his jeans and his fingers rough and cut and calloused.

-CH