Hard to Believe

Its hard for me to understand what love consists of. My parents were married when i was still in my mothers stomach but divorced when i was 3 years old. My father was cheating on my mother. Later, he has a child with this woman and i have a new baby brother. Then my father cheats on her with another woman. Later, they have a child and i have a new baby sister. Then my father cheats, cheats and cheats some more. And now he's currently in jail in Maine. Not because he cheated but somehow i believe its karma coming back to him.

Now my mother had a few boyfriends. They never lasted to long though. They were always a bad influence on us also. They would drink and smoke infront of us when were just children. My mother once had a boyfriend who would physically abuse her. I finally figured it out and when i heard him choking her on the living couch , i grabbed the phone and told him if he doesnt get off of her and leave right now, i would call the cops. I never seen someone jump up so fast and dash out the door. let me remind you, i was only 8 years old. Currently, my mom is with a man who shows her no love. they dont go out, they dont cuddle, they dont talk. the only thing ive seen them do very well is argue. Its not reasonable arguements either. very irrational and useless arguements. they have been together since i was nine years old and im now 20.

Sometimes i wonder if i'm ever going to find that ever lasting love that these box office hits portray. is it even real? i want to believe it is but with my examples of "love" i find it hard to.