you know it's very painful when you find out that another was using you for something or not treating you with the best of intentions. this is part of the reason why i wish there was no human interactions because its soo incredibly hard to judge somebodies character to decide wheather they can be trusted or not. wheather they genuinely like you or not. i have had bad luck with others and interactions with them. i can not say that i have a friend in this world who isn't family that i can really talk to. everyone that i have befriended so far has left in the dark at one point or another. maybe i'm not frieendship material or maybe i ask for too much from another, i don't know g-d knows.
i also think about it all the time and hope that my spouse would understand and become the best friend i've always needed. i would hate to spend the rest of my life miserable without a good friend and maybe i could be more proactive in the community and then friends would follow. friends are nice to have but in the same sense they can also ruin you. my moms says when you run after the world the world runs faster but when you stop and turn around being your own person the world turns around and wants to follow you. the world could anything in this saying like opposite gender, friends, or any old thing. this has always worked for me and you should try it too maybe if will give you a positive spin on life. kind of like if at first you don't suceed get up and try again.
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