smell and memory

Our first kiss tasted like a cigarette. I know it’s crazy but it really did. And that doesn’t mean that I hated it. Actually I liked it. I remember certain moments by its smell. I always feel like spring comes when I smell a sea squirt. When I was young and living on the 3th floor of a 5 floor apartment there was a truck selling sea squirts. The sea squirt truck came to our apartment every spring. My mom used to buy the sea squirt and serve it on table with Korean pepper sauce. That fresh sea-like smell of a sea squirt and the smell of vinegar in Korean pepper sauce remind me of my childhood in spring times. My happy, don’t-have-to-think-about-the-future childhood. Anyway it was her. She ended the awkwardness. That night was just an ordinary college party night -you know, guys are over drunk, some girls cry, people yell, vomit- that kind of a party night. However, if there was any difference, we both liked each other and wanted to tell each other that. I remember we were standing next to water fountain and I was going to say something to her but she suddenly kissed me like when you put a cork into a wine bottle. I was kind of surprised because her tough was strong. I wasn’t closing my eyes but I closed it soon because I didn’t want her to see me opening my eyes. Her mouth or my mouth tasted like a cigarette because we just smoked. But it wasn’t like nasty smell. I liked it. That night was weird but good. As the smell of a sea squirt reminds of my childhood in spring, I’ll think about our first kiss and her sometimes when I smoke alone at night someday even when I’m forty or fifty. And like many other good memories related to smoking, that night also will be a part of a reason why I can’t quit smoking ever.