I'll figure this out later..

My mother sent me another package of photos and while I was looking through them I found something. On the back of one of the pictures I found my father's address. Apparently no one knew this address when I had asked for it before so I have no idea what's going on. I talked to my boyfriend about it and he thinks I should send him a letter. I'm not quite sure what to do... I'll try to come up with something after my round of exams next week. I wish I knew why this was kept from me. I asked my mother about looking for my father last year and when I mentioned it she said she'd help if that's what I really wanted but she seemed so sad. I don't want her thinking that I think I'm missing something. I think she did a pretty good job raising me by herself and she got me to the US. If I would have stayed in Russia I probably would have been married by now with a child and I probably wouldn't have made it to college or medical school. I'm happy I'm here and that he's there. This is just confusing.

I wonder if the address is even current... Since I have a pretty good memory I remember him telling me that he'll come see me, I remember him saying goodbye at the airport and I remember the 2 letters that I got from him during the first year I was here. It's kind of sad but I've already dealt with all of this. I don't want to dig up the past and possibly dig up the pain. I was devastated when I finally realized I'd never see him again. I think I held onto that for about 3 or 4 years. I just wish I knew why the address was hidden from me. I have less than 5 pictures of him and the is the only one that had my mother, father and myself in it but I haven't seen this picture for a very long time.

This kind of soured me from pushing on with this project.. oh well I have to push through. I really hope I'll never be attracted to anyone like him. I have one picture of my paternal grandfather and I was told he was a truly exceptional man. I wish I had 5 pictures of him instead of my father.

I need to start up my regular blog again. I called it "no artificial sweetener" because everyone (including myself) is always sugar coating life.